If there's one thing I'm very proud of in my life, it's that I've been able to evolve as a human in almost every way. Evolution, by its nature, is change, and change is hard. No doubt about that. And it's been hard for me every step of the way.
Who doesn't love the comfort of things familiar? I know I do. But clinging to the familiar to the exclusion of change and growth is limiting and self defeating and I refuse to allow that to happen in my life.
And, so, with that out there I segue into my moving to Arizona.
Some have seen the progression of my life and asked in wonderment why I feel the need to live many different places. I don't know that I have an answer. I don't think 12 states is that many especially considering I was part of a military relationship in my life and was condemned to moving some places (I'm looking at you D.C.!). Other moves were done on a whim, but I have yet to regret one single move I've made.
I suppose that doesn't really answer the 'why' of moving to Arizona so I'll expand on that.
This all, of course, revolves around Vegas. It is exactly what you see: shiny, loud, carnival-like. But what you don't see is the seedy underbelly and the magnetic attraction it has to dysfunctional people.
It can be, in isolated areas (Mt. Charleston, Red Rocks, Hot Springs, etc.) very beautiful and peaceful. Those are a few exceptions to the rule that Vegas is actually a throw-away spot. You come, get drunk, vomit on the sidewalks, lose your money and go home. There isn't a huge appreciation for what the city does have to offer away from the strip. And, truthfully, it doesn't offer much. For such an almost world-class city it has no museums, not much of historical significance (and the little it does have most don't care about), or anything that most cities as popular have. And, I'm here to live my life, not just exist in a mundane city careless about what it projects.
The fact that it's main draw is tourism should tell you what kind of people thrive here. Carny-like (see above), aimless, lost and never looking for anything more than what's right in front of their faces.
I'm not one to generalize, usually, I think smart people usually don't (yes, I was saying I'm smart), but Vegas is my exception. I've never met a bigger group of people more alike. Of course, the transiency of Vegas is a huge part of the problem. No one is actually from there (and the ones that are HATE the people who move there), there are no roots to cling to, there is no sense of community, it's like one big stage for Cops.
So, I'm not those people, I don't intend to ever be someone that could stay in a place so unaware of its own ugliness that I become part of it. I will miss the friends I've made and the relationships I've formed, but not much else.
Arizona, however, offers me the comfort of family (very close family), the ability to watch a football game (you have no idea how much you miss it until you can't do it), museums and art, beauty and affordability. It's a classier Vegas (and Vegas seethes with envy over that fact) and the people are incredibly kind and accessible. I love that part the most.
I also have a very close relationship there with someone I care about deeply, someone that I have a great future with and I'm excited to explore that.
So, I'm sorry that I can't stay in Vegas, but not that sorry. I'm happy to be following my happiness once again. Phoenix seems a more permanent move as well. So, join me in saying good-bye to this phase of my life, and onto a different one.
I'll see you in Phoenix!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Respect
The purpose of this post is to talk about respect. Respect for yourself, respect for your profession and respect for other people.
I'm sure a lot of you have seen this video: FarrahGFE
In it Farrah talks about herself (a lot), about working as a 'high end' escort and basically how much she dislikes doing it and the men she does it with.
I started escorting when I was in my 30's. I could never have imagined doing this at 18. I had just graduated high school and was going to college, about to be married, etc. at around that age. That was enough to worry about. Never mind that I didn't even think of sex along those lines when I was that age.
So, the video. I personally thought that in degrading the men we see and the profession we chose to be in, that she degraded herself and what she does with this slickly made (through no help of her own) 'Farrah' showcase.
I saw a young girl who never got any attention at home (or maybe unwanted attention hence her ability to be so sexual at such a young age, I don't know) and desperately craves it. Or, someone so desensitized to those around her that she doesn't see how she comes across. Or both.
I think she sought this out; there are more beautiful and refined women out there who could talk about this work in a more eloquent way, so it's hard to believe that someone would actually approach someone so jaded and cold. I think she doesn't have a sense of herself or how she appears to the public at large. I find it shocking that the people who put this together didn't see it either. It surely must have been done purely for shock value. That's the only value I see here.
I don't fault her for that, I'm sure (as you can clearly see in the video) that she doesn't give a fuck what people think about her. But, to put this out there, that she dislikes this profession and isn't present when she's with these men, is basically career suicide. And I have no clue who would do this on purpose, but some delusional, self absorbed child. And that's what you see. A person who clearly exhibits a lack of respect for her or the people she comes in contact with.
I'm embarrassed for her. I'm angry that people are justifying this vehicle for her narcissism. She's so enveloped in her own tiny world that she doesn't see any of you and doesn't care, either. Again, a complete lack of respect.
But the worst part? She represents this industry. An industry where men are already jaded by experiences like the kind she gives. They see women as objects to fulfill their desires and the humanity of it all disappears.
I am not her, she does NOT represent me or most women I know. I love what I do. I have never once tried to decide what fingernail polish color I want to use next when I'm with a man. I'm too involved with the person I'm with, I'm too busy trying to draw out every bit of pleasure I can get from this experience and I'm too respectful of the choice the man has made to be with me. And because every experience is a part of my life, and I don't have meaningless experiences.
I enjoy myself thoroughly. I may not draw on the experience ever again, I may not remember it in a year, but I'll always know that when I was in that moment with that person that I was aware, I was involved and I was loving the pleasure of it.
The best part was when she said she did this so she could have material possessions. You can have all of that doing this and still acquire nice things. They aren't mutually exclusive. I have nice cars, a nice home, a nice savings account and I still enjoy every encounter I have. And I maintain respect for myself.
She needs to do something else. And, with being too lazy for college (good luck getting far in life without an education), too lazy in life, I'm not sure anything but McDonald's is the place for her. But, she needs to get out of this profession and let the women who revel in this life, who love these experiences bring genuine pleasure to the men who we are grateful to see.
But most of all, she needs to learn respect.
I'm sure a lot of you have seen this video: FarrahGFE
In it Farrah talks about herself (a lot), about working as a 'high end' escort and basically how much she dislikes doing it and the men she does it with.
I started escorting when I was in my 30's. I could never have imagined doing this at 18. I had just graduated high school and was going to college, about to be married, etc. at around that age. That was enough to worry about. Never mind that I didn't even think of sex along those lines when I was that age.
So, the video. I personally thought that in degrading the men we see and the profession we chose to be in, that she degraded herself and what she does with this slickly made (through no help of her own) 'Farrah' showcase.
I saw a young girl who never got any attention at home (or maybe unwanted attention hence her ability to be so sexual at such a young age, I don't know) and desperately craves it. Or, someone so desensitized to those around her that she doesn't see how she comes across. Or both.
I think she sought this out; there are more beautiful and refined women out there who could talk about this work in a more eloquent way, so it's hard to believe that someone would actually approach someone so jaded and cold. I think she doesn't have a sense of herself or how she appears to the public at large. I find it shocking that the people who put this together didn't see it either. It surely must have been done purely for shock value. That's the only value I see here.
I don't fault her for that, I'm sure (as you can clearly see in the video) that she doesn't give a fuck what people think about her. But, to put this out there, that she dislikes this profession and isn't present when she's with these men, is basically career suicide. And I have no clue who would do this on purpose, but some delusional, self absorbed child. And that's what you see. A person who clearly exhibits a lack of respect for her or the people she comes in contact with.
I'm embarrassed for her. I'm angry that people are justifying this vehicle for her narcissism. She's so enveloped in her own tiny world that she doesn't see any of you and doesn't care, either. Again, a complete lack of respect.
But the worst part? She represents this industry. An industry where men are already jaded by experiences like the kind she gives. They see women as objects to fulfill their desires and the humanity of it all disappears.
I am not her, she does NOT represent me or most women I know. I love what I do. I have never once tried to decide what fingernail polish color I want to use next when I'm with a man. I'm too involved with the person I'm with, I'm too busy trying to draw out every bit of pleasure I can get from this experience and I'm too respectful of the choice the man has made to be with me. And because every experience is a part of my life, and I don't have meaningless experiences.
I enjoy myself thoroughly. I may not draw on the experience ever again, I may not remember it in a year, but I'll always know that when I was in that moment with that person that I was aware, I was involved and I was loving the pleasure of it.
The best part was when she said she did this so she could have material possessions. You can have all of that doing this and still acquire nice things. They aren't mutually exclusive. I have nice cars, a nice home, a nice savings account and I still enjoy every encounter I have. And I maintain respect for myself.
She needs to do something else. And, with being too lazy for college (good luck getting far in life without an education), too lazy in life, I'm not sure anything but McDonald's is the place for her. But, she needs to get out of this profession and let the women who revel in this life, who love these experiences bring genuine pleasure to the men who we are grateful to see.
But most of all, she needs to learn respect.
Self Respect
After watching this video: http://vimeo.com/76285756 and posting on Twitter about it, someone asked me to blog about it because it did, in a way, light my fire about a subject that is often misunderstood.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Rumor and Lies
I usually don't care to address rumors or lies, but this one was just believable enough that I had to address it.
So, some tool on TER decided that he'd make a list of all girls that were presumably 'pimped out.' He'd heard this from LE, supposedly, and wanted to share this erroneous information with all of TER.
I don't really care who this person is, or what he does with his life, but this is getting a little ridiculous. First, no law enforcement officer is going to buddy up to some douchebag liar on TER and give him all this information. Secondly, what does being 'pimped out' have to do with anything?
If I worked for an agency I'd let that agency do all my work for me. I wouldn't hide it. If someone else was calling all the shots I'd let THEM make all my appointments and answer all my phone calls and emails.
As it stands, it's my job alone. I am an independent provider and have been since I started this in July of 2006. I'm proud of the fact that I do this by myself. That I have become who I am through my own hard work. I don't even have a scheduler because I don't trust people to protect my reputation the way I do. Sometimes it would be easier to have someone do all this for me, but I refuse to give that control to anyone.
I am not offended that someone thought I was 'pimped out,' I'm offended that someone else gets any credit for my hard work. I do all of this, I project the image you see, I come to you of my own free will, I am my own person.
There is a lot of good information on TER, I have used it to my benefit, and you to yours, for years, so I'm not bashing them. But, please, be careful about what you believe, it could hurt someone in some way and that's never good.
Now, let's have some fun and stop spreading lies and untruths. The world has plenty of that without any help from TER.
So, some tool on TER decided that he'd make a list of all girls that were presumably 'pimped out.' He'd heard this from LE, supposedly, and wanted to share this erroneous information with all of TER.
I don't really care who this person is, or what he does with his life, but this is getting a little ridiculous. First, no law enforcement officer is going to buddy up to some douchebag liar on TER and give him all this information. Secondly, what does being 'pimped out' have to do with anything?
If I worked for an agency I'd let that agency do all my work for me. I wouldn't hide it. If someone else was calling all the shots I'd let THEM make all my appointments and answer all my phone calls and emails.
As it stands, it's my job alone. I am an independent provider and have been since I started this in July of 2006. I'm proud of the fact that I do this by myself. That I have become who I am through my own hard work. I don't even have a scheduler because I don't trust people to protect my reputation the way I do. Sometimes it would be easier to have someone do all this for me, but I refuse to give that control to anyone.
I am not offended that someone thought I was 'pimped out,' I'm offended that someone else gets any credit for my hard work. I do all of this, I project the image you see, I come to you of my own free will, I am my own person.
There is a lot of good information on TER, I have used it to my benefit, and you to yours, for years, so I'm not bashing them. But, please, be careful about what you believe, it could hurt someone in some way and that's never good.
Now, let's have some fun and stop spreading lies and untruths. The world has plenty of that without any help from TER.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Love
At first I was going to write some rant detailing how ridiculous some things could be in this business when I thought of something that happened to me recently and decided to trade bad energy for good and share this instead.
My offspring recently called me with terrible news. A man that he considered a mentor to him when he was younger had just died. I could hear his voice rise in frustration when I couldn't give him what he was asking for immediately. The anger was just a cover for the grief he was feeling and I understood it for what it was. I calmed him, told him I'd call him back and we'd work it out. We did. He is now back in his hometown mourning this deep loss. I'm terribly sad for him.
That really isn't the story, though. The story is who this person was in his life. He happened to be the brother of his former step-mother (she divorced his father a few years ago) so in essence his step-uncle. But not even that as they were no longer in the same family. Except that's not true because that's not how love works, is it?
He, with zero obligation to my son, invited him into his life and encouraged him with sensible advice, a respect he held close and an investment that has lasted for years longer than you would have thought it would. Except that's not how love works, is it?
For Mother's Day my son also wrote a poignant post to his ex-step-mother. I added to the post, that yes, she was amazing and I loved her for the love she had for my sons. Then love came from other places; extensions of love from people that I didn't know. Love grows, doesn't it?
Then my sister, my mother, they added notes of condolence to this person they'd never met, but who they knew had a profound impact on my son. And the love grows, doesn't it?
I then realized that the love I have been surrounded by has come from places that most would never consider conventional. And I think a lot of people are stuck thinking that the way things are, is the way they should be. Family should only love family. The first ex-wife should not love the second ex-wife. The ex-wife and her family should certainly not love the second ex-wife's extended family, but I'm happy to say that...that's not how love works, is it?
My offspring recently called me with terrible news. A man that he considered a mentor to him when he was younger had just died. I could hear his voice rise in frustration when I couldn't give him what he was asking for immediately. The anger was just a cover for the grief he was feeling and I understood it for what it was. I calmed him, told him I'd call him back and we'd work it out. We did. He is now back in his hometown mourning this deep loss. I'm terribly sad for him.
That really isn't the story, though. The story is who this person was in his life. He happened to be the brother of his former step-mother (she divorced his father a few years ago) so in essence his step-uncle. But not even that as they were no longer in the same family. Except that's not true because that's not how love works, is it?
He, with zero obligation to my son, invited him into his life and encouraged him with sensible advice, a respect he held close and an investment that has lasted for years longer than you would have thought it would. Except that's not how love works, is it?
For Mother's Day my son also wrote a poignant post to his ex-step-mother. I added to the post, that yes, she was amazing and I loved her for the love she had for my sons. Then love came from other places; extensions of love from people that I didn't know. Love grows, doesn't it?
Then my sister, my mother, they added notes of condolence to this person they'd never met, but who they knew had a profound impact on my son. And the love grows, doesn't it?
I then realized that the love I have been surrounded by has come from places that most would never consider conventional. And I think a lot of people are stuck thinking that the way things are, is the way they should be. Family should only love family. The first ex-wife should not love the second ex-wife. The ex-wife and her family should certainly not love the second ex-wife's extended family, but I'm happy to say that...that's not how love works, is it?
Friday, March 15, 2013
Update
The thing I've learned as I've gotten older and become much wiser is that things change. Making allowances for that in my life has made everything so much easier for me.
When I announced my retirement a few months ago it was preceded by an amazing addition to my family. I was consumed by this new relationship in my life. I didn't care how or why or when, but I was going to be closer so I could foster that relationship and make it an important part of both of our lives.
What I didn't count on was how much I would hate the idea of living in the area that my family and this new relationship was in (a town of 6,000 and miles and hours from any big city). Having visited now seven plus times I am quite sure this will never be a place for me to thrive and expand on my happiness. Not even for this relationship.
My heart is broken. I thought I would do anything for this person, but the truth is that I'd be giving up an immeasurable amount of happiness and contentment to be near them. That wouldn't benefit any of us. I choose to stay in a place that enhances my life and allows me to be the positive influence in this person's life that I just couldn't be if I were depressed and sad about my surroundings.
Sometimes in life the pieces all fall together and I had dreams of that happening here. I did feel a lot of joy at the idea of being there every moment of their life, but when reality set in the pieces were scattered and didn't fit together like I had hoped.
So, I say all that to say that I won't retire now. I love this thing I do. I love the people I meet and the incredible experiences that I have had and I want more. And, at the same time I will be a force in this person's life from afar and hope that it's as deep and meaningful to them as it is to me regardless of the distance between us.
I will be happy to explain what has happened in detail to anyone that asks, but for now I choose to stay and be happy. Happy with you, happy with me, and happy with the choices I've made. I hope you'll support me in that noble and worthwhile goal.
When I announced my retirement a few months ago it was preceded by an amazing addition to my family. I was consumed by this new relationship in my life. I didn't care how or why or when, but I was going to be closer so I could foster that relationship and make it an important part of both of our lives.
What I didn't count on was how much I would hate the idea of living in the area that my family and this new relationship was in (a town of 6,000 and miles and hours from any big city). Having visited now seven plus times I am quite sure this will never be a place for me to thrive and expand on my happiness. Not even for this relationship.
My heart is broken. I thought I would do anything for this person, but the truth is that I'd be giving up an immeasurable amount of happiness and contentment to be near them. That wouldn't benefit any of us. I choose to stay in a place that enhances my life and allows me to be the positive influence in this person's life that I just couldn't be if I were depressed and sad about my surroundings.
Sometimes in life the pieces all fall together and I had dreams of that happening here. I did feel a lot of joy at the idea of being there every moment of their life, but when reality set in the pieces were scattered and didn't fit together like I had hoped.
So, I say all that to say that I won't retire now. I love this thing I do. I love the people I meet and the incredible experiences that I have had and I want more. And, at the same time I will be a force in this person's life from afar and hope that it's as deep and meaningful to them as it is to me regardless of the distance between us.
I will be happy to explain what has happened in detail to anyone that asks, but for now I choose to stay and be happy. Happy with you, happy with me, and happy with the choices I've made. I hope you'll support me in that noble and worthwhile goal.
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